Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Love is a Many-Flavored Thing

If you could do one thing tonight to make your man happy, what would it be? Would you greet him at the door dressed only in saran wrap and offer him a perfectly made martini?  Would you send the children to the grandparents and cook his favorite meal - in the nude?  Come on - these are nice things, but what would REALLY make him happy?

A blowjob, of course. He won't even care that you haven't showered or waxed your moustache - because he loves you just the way you are - when you go down on him. However, he might not want to kiss you afterwards (ewwww!).

The people behind a new product called Masque™ have solved this timeless dilemma by offering women "orally dissovable (sic), flavored gel strips" that "will take the intimacy between you and your partner to a new level."  The company believes that it is "not only making quality products to enhance personal intimacy, but also changing the way people think and talk about foreplay around the world." Or at least in the U.S. and Canada. 

And they come in yummy flavors: mango (New!!!), chocolate, strawberry and watermelon.

Here are some FAQs from (yes, I broke down and found the website after seeing an ad for it yesterday in Marie Claire - at the orthodontist's office, no less):

Couldn't I just use a peppermint or an altoid?
Masque doesn't overwhelm the flavor or cover it in the way a mint does.

Is masque just like a Listerine® strip?
Masque is similar to Listerine® strips in that they are both dissolvable oral strips. The similarities end there. Masque actively conceals the flavors associated with going down on your man.

Does it protect against STDs/STIs?
Masque does not protect against STDs/STIs. We encourage customers to use standard safe sex practices when using our product.

And my favorite question:

How does the product show up on my credit card statement?
The charge will simply appear as MASQUE in the descriptor line of your statement.

The product is sold in packages of three for $12; each package contains three strips - individually wrapped, of course.  I'm not great in math, but I bet breath strips, mints or gum are a much better bargain.  What REALLY gets me is that I didn't come up with this idea.  How could I be so stupid reaching into my tin of mints all those years and not thinking "wow, I never thought how selfish it is to give a  hearty blowjob and not use something like this afterwards - I am so self-centered!!!!!!"

Masque even has a blog; I thought it would be rather spicy but here is the first entry as of this writing: 

Did you know that the most common birthday in the US is October 5th? Did you also know that October 5th is 9 months after New Year’s Eve?

And Masque has "Events"  such as "Masque girls hang out with Flava Flav backstage." Which makes me wonder what they reply when people ask "Say, what does a Masque girl do?"

A friend suggested that men might benefit from a similar product. So I'm putting out the call - what should we call it and how should we package it?


  1. Thanks for the valuable info Sooz. And for the record, I was born on October 6. Missed it by a day.


  2. Thanks for the valuable info Sooz. And for the record, I was born on October 6. Missed it by a day.


  3. OMG. Anytime I'm feeling down, I'm just going to come over and read a post. Love this one, and the pic at the end is so puurrrfect... ;)

    BUT! I'm not feeling down. I actually came by to say that I loved your article in this month's AY. Hubs and I are starting to think about adopting, and I loved your candid insight.